Biblical Wisdom for Finding a Spouse: Lessons Modern Dating Ignores

In a world of endless swiping and compatibility quizzes, the Bible offers a timeless guide for finding the one. Genesis 24 tells the story of Abraham’s servant Eliezer, tasked with finding a wife for Isaac. His approach is refreshingly simple: focus on a few essential traits. Eliezer heads to Haran, a place steeped in faith, signaling the first key—seek a partner in a God-centered environment. There, he spots Rebecca, described as strikingly beautiful (trait two: physical attraction matters). But what seals the deal is her generosity—she tirelessly draws water for Eliezer and his camels, a selfless act that reveals her character (trait three: kindness).

Rebecca, meanwhile, learns just two things about Isaac: he’s wealthy, ensuring he can provide, and he’s devoted to God, promising shared values. That’s enough for her to say yes. The Torah then lays out a profound sequence: Isaac marries her, she becomes his wife, and then love grows. This flips modern dating on its head. Love isn’t something you fall into; it’s cultivated through commitment and giving. The Hebrew word for love, ahava, comes from hav, meaning 'to give.' Long-lasting relationships thrive because we love those we give to, not the other way around.

Today’s dating culture often misses this. Prolonged casual dating, endless checklists, and 'testing' compatibility for years can lead to emotional burnout and, ironically, higher divorce rates—studies show 'basic incompatibility' is the top reason for splits. Modern trends, like delaying marriage until 30, also raise infertility risks, while casual hookups contribute to a so-called 'sexual recession,' where some young men prefer video games to intimacy. The Bible’s formula—prioritizing faith, character, and commitment—offers a clearer path. Forget nitpicking over vacation preferences or quirky friends. Focus on a few core traits, commit, and let love grow. That’s the recipe for a marriage that rings true, church bells and all.