If Deporting Undocumented Immigrants Is Impossible, Here’s How to Make Staying Miserable

"You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here"—that old bar-closing line is suddenly the unofficial motto for America’s immigration debate. The courts might keep President Trump from deporting undocumented immigrants, but there’s no shortage of creative ideas for making life here a lot less appealing for those here illegally.

Let’s face it, the numbers are staggering. Some estimates claim that 10 million people entered the country illegally during the Biden administration. If they lined up single file, that crowd could stretch from New York all the way to Los Angeles. That’s one seriously long conga line nobody signed up for.

Here’s the catch: Under current legal wrangling, every undocumented immigrant would need an individual hearing before deportation—a process so slow it could take centuries. That’s not an exaggeration, it’s a timeline that would make even the most patient DMV clerk weep.

Past presidents, including Democrats like Clinton and Obama, managed to deport people without this much fuss. But now, when Trump tries, the playbook seems to have changed. Meanwhile, more Americans are telling pollsters they want undocumented immigrants gone—not just those with criminal records, but all who are here illegally.

Since mass deportations are off the table for now, some are floating other, much harsher options. One proposal: Slap a $25,000 fine on anyone—person or company—caught hiring an undocumented immigrant. That’s right, from faceless corporations to the poshest families in the Hamptons or Beverly Hills, nobody’s off the hook for hiring a nanny or landscaper without papers. Want to show off your "Refugees Welcome" sign? Hope you’ve got the cash to back it up.

Another crackdown could involve cutting off all federal benefits to undocumented immigrants. The courts might not let us send people home, but there’s no rule saying taxpayers have to foot the bill for their groceries or rent.

Supporters of open borders like to wax nostalgic about Ellis Island, when millions arrived seeking a new life. But back then, nobody got federal benefits. Newcomers relied on family, churches, and local communities—and if that didn’t work out, heading home was the only option. The idea of living indefinitely on government support was pure fantasy.

The message, in a nutshell: If you’re here illegally and plan to stay, expect tough living—maybe even a tent on Skid Row. The courts, sanctuary cities, and sympathetic media might be making it harder to enforce immigration laws, but that doesn’t mean the country has to make it easy to stick around.

One thing’s for sure: The patience of everyday Americans is wearing thin. This country isn’t some all-you-can-eat hostel with no checkout time. The lights are coming on, the bar’s closing, and it’s time for everyone to settle up and move along.