Environment News

Our satirical take on the latest environment developments.

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Latest Environment Articles

Spotted Lanternflies Poised for Summer Surge, Threatening U.S. Crops and Ecosystems

Hold onto your vineyards, folks—spotted lanternflies might be staging a grand summer comeback. Experts are sounding the alarm after spotting a surge i...

Sarah Johnson

Sarah Johnson

6/20/2025

3 min read

Jaws at 50: Shark Attacks Rise, but Conservationists Call for Respect Over Fear

As the 50th anniversary of Jaws captivates America, shark attacks are making waves in the news, reminding us of the ocean's untamed power. Recent inci...

Sarah Johnson

Sarah Johnson

6/20/2025

3 min read

Maine Lawmakers Target Hotel Toiletries in Bold Plastic Ban Push

In a bold move to curb environmental waste, Maine lawmakers are pushing a new bill that could spell the end for those tiny hotel shampoo bottles we’ve...

Sarah Johnson

Sarah Johnson

6/9/2025

3 min read

Phil Mickelson Sounds Off on San Diego’s Sewage Crisis as Beaches Close and SEALs Sicken

The sewage crisis plaguing San Diego’s pristine shores has reached a foul new low, with millions of gallons of untreated wastewater from Mexico spilli...

Sarah Johnson

Sarah Johnson

6/5/2025

3 min read

Oceans Darken, Threatening Marine Life and Global Ecosystems: Study

The world’s oceans are turning ominously darker, casting a shadow over marine life, according to a groundbreaking study from the University of Plymout...

Sarah Johnson

Sarah Johnson

5/30/2025

3 min read

Massive Cicada Swarm, Brood XIV, Set to Buzz Across East Coast

The East Coast is about to get a lot noisier, as the second-largest cicada swarm in U.S. history prepares to emerge, filling the air with their unmist...

Sarah Johnson

Sarah Johnson

5/30/2025

3 min read

Violet Affleck Challenges Jennifer Garner on Climate Crisis Link to California Wildfires

In a heartfelt essay, Violet Affleck, the 19-year-old daughter of Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, shared a poignant moment from January’s devastating...

Sarah Johnson

Sarah Johnson

5/23/2025

3 min read

US-Mexico Deal Nears to End San Diego Sewage Crisis Threatening Tourism and Navy SEALs

The United States and Mexico are nearing a historic agreement to resolve a decades-long sewage crisis that has plagued San Diego’s coastline, threaten...

Sarah Johnson

Sarah Johnson

5/11/2025

3 min read

Maryland Anglers Earn Cash Battling Invasive Snakeheads in 'Reel Rewards' Fishing Challenge

Maryland anglers are back at it—fishing for a cause and a cash bonus. The "Reel Rewards" program, kicked off in 2024 by a team of conservation groups,...

Sarah Johnson

Sarah Johnson

5/3/2025

3 min read

From Smog to Moose: Trump’s Energy Chief Reminisces on 55 Years of Earth Day Progress

Chris Wright, the current Energy Secretary, marked Earth Day with a reflective look at how far the U.S. environment has come since he was a kid in Den...

Sarah Johnson

Sarah Johnson

4/22/2025

4 min read

Trump EPA Chief Pledges Action on Mexican Sewage Crisis Polluting San Diego Beaches

Lee Zeldin, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) chief under the Trump administration, has announced plans to visit the San Diego-Mexico border s...

Sarah Johnson

Sarah Johnson

3/27/2025

4 min read

Mysterious Foam and Dead Fish Stir Chaos on South Australian Beaches

Southern Australia's coastline has turned into a surreal scene as mysterious foam and dead fish have started washing ashore, leaving locals and visito...

Sarah Johnson

Sarah Johnson

3/19/2025

3 min read

Massive Shark Heads Down Florida Coast as Spring Breakers Flock to Beaches

Florida's sandy beaches are bustling with college students kicking off their spring break, but it seems humans aren’t the only ones drawn to the Sunsh...

Sarah Johnson

Sarah Johnson

3/15/2025

4 min read

Rising Temperatures Are Scrambling the Base of the Ocean Food Web

Humans are living in a plankton world. These tiny, invisible-to-the-eye organisms blanket the oceans, spanning nearly three-quarters of the planet. Th...

Sarah Johnson

Sarah Johnson

3/3/2025

4 min read

Greenland’s Minerals: The Harsh Reality Behind the Glittering Promise

More than a decade ago, a team of Canadian miners searching for diamonds in western Greenland stumbled upon a curious sight on the horizon—a massive w...

Sarah Johnson

Sarah Johnson

3/3/2025

4 min read

California's Green Energy Gamble Backfires: Skyrocketing Costs and Unstable Grid

California’s ambitious green energy policies, once touted as a model for the future, appear to be unraveling under the weight of high costs and unreli...

Sarah Johnson

Sarah Johnson

3/3/2025

6 min read

Wildfires Rage Across the Carolinas, Forcing Evacuations and Statewide Burn Ban

Wildfires erupted across the Carolinas on Saturday, sparking evacuations and prompting stringent measures to curb the flames.In North Carolina's Polk ...

Sarah Johnson

Sarah Johnson

3/2/2025

4 min read