May’s Wildest News: Media Denials, Gator Knocks, and Statue Spats

The month of May delivered a whirlwind of news that could make anyone question reality. From media moguls denying bias to alligators knocking on doors, here’s a rundown of seven wild stories that defined the month’s chaos.

1. Media Mirage: The New York Times’ publisher, A.G. Sulzberger, boldly claimed his outlet isn’t part of the 'resistance.' This, after years of relentless attacks on one political figure and questionable coverage of another administration. It’s like saying the sun doesn’t shine. Sulzberger’s keyboard must’ve sparked typing that whopper, insisting loyalty lies with truth and the public. Readers might need a pinch to believe it.

2. Springsteen’s Stale Protest: Aging rock icon Bruce Springsteen dusted off his anti-establishment playbook, slamming a certain administration as 'corrupt' and 'treasonous.' Once a poet of the American heartland, his latest rhetoric feels like a tired blog post. Worse, he’s cashing in with a six-track EP, two songs targeting his political foe. From 'Born to Run' to 'Born to Grumble,' The Boss is banking on outrage.

3. Masked Crusader: Former Washington Post writer Taylor Lorenz remains a COVID hawk, preaching masks on Bluesky while ironically celebrating free speech at risqué awards. Her call to shame the unmasked as 'killers' feels like a script from a dystopian flick. May’s obsession with safetyism shows some still cling to pandemic paranoia.

4. CNN’s Déjà Vu: CNN announced a new streaming service, hoping to erase memories of its $300 million flop, CNN+. CEO Mark Thompson promises a 'simple' way to access content—for a price. With no budget for big names, it’s a gamble that viewers will pay for a leaner, perhaps Tapper-free, experience. Insanity? Or just wishful thinking?

5. Gator Gatecrashers: Florida’s wildlife took center stage when an alligator knocked on a resident’s door, prompting a sheriff’s response. Forget 'Florida Man'—this gator’s auditioning for a horror movie cameo. When your next pair of boots demands entry, it’s time to rethink neighborhood watch.

6. Raccoon Rumble: Ohio stole Florida’s thunder with Chewy, a raccoon caught gnawing a meth pipe during a traffic stop. No charges for Chewy, but the driver faced drug paraphernalia counts. This furry vigilante proves even raccoons are tackling crime in the Buckeye State.

7. Statue Smackdown: Times Square’s temporary bronze statue, 'Grounded in the Stars,' a 12-foot-tall Black woman, stirred debate. Its creators took a swipe at the square’s permanent statues of two white men—heroes Father Duffy and George M. Cohan—implying their legacy is lesser. Art should uplift, not divide, but this piece seems to pick a fight.